Mom

Loving, smart, and tough. Three words that describe my Mom. I'm always comfortable when I'm around her. I can't imagine live a life without my Mom. There are many many things that she had done for her family, especially her children, and I know that every Mom in the world do whatever she can for everyone she loved. She gained a lot of respect from others, especially her children. She is very cheerful and things will become empty when she's not around. Unlike my father, she knows my friends better and also knows whom I often go with. When my parents got divorced, my Mom moved to a small house -rented house- with nothing. All of her children decided to move with her and sometimes we (me and my sisters) visit my Dad on weekends or anytime when we want. But most of the time, we live with my Mom, until now. Honestly, moving from here to there, makes me really tired. It's like you don't have a home. I often  get confused when someone asks me where I live, where my home is. I often give different answers for them, depends on the mood at that moment. Or I answered both, my home is here, and my home is there. Is that really matter? I don't know. All I know is I'm more happy and peaceful with my Mom and my sisters, so my Mom's new house is more a home for me.

My parents' divorce didn't end up peacefully, there's so much hatred between my Mom and my Dad, like they have no beautiful memories of past times and the possibility of getting back together is nearly impossible (well, I think it's totally impossible). My Dad seems like to exaggerate a story, about my Mom, to other people. My Dad also didn't want to finance me and my sisters needs, well, maybe because we chose not to live with him. It makes my Mom so pissed and she doesn't want making any connections with him anymore. She financed all of the costs -my and my sisters school needs, daily needs, rental costs-.and it go on for a long time until my two oldest sisters got a job and help her in financing the needs. When I graduated from senior high and started to college, my Mom felt like she can't handle the fee by herself, moreover my third sister still in college, too (she majored in medicine) and my oldest sister has married and has her own family needs to be fulfilled. So, my Mom and my sisters think that it's the time for my Dad to finance me. My sister told my Dad that he could sell his land, but my Dad refused. He refused it so much (until now). After some talks and agreements, my Dad finally agreed to finance me and than he sold his car as the first payment of my college enrollment.

I don't really like being financed by my Dad, because it is hard for me to tell him what I need and hard for him also to fulfill my needs. But I don't want to be selfish. I know this will ease my Mom and my sister's burden. And also I believe that although my parents had divorced, it is supposed to be my Dad's responsibility to finance the children. And from time to time, I must spend my money wisely (although sometimes I'm not wise enough spending it, haha) but fortunately I can still save some money from what my Dad gave me.

At the first time, it felt like me and my Mom and my sisters will live in peace and fulfilled each other. My Mom looks happier and more settled than before. Although we're not a full family anymore, I can still feel a happiness between us alone. But I think that wasn't enough for my Mom. 

I thought we have completed each other.

I thought my Mom would never disappoint me.

Until my Mom married to another man. And this man... is very hated by my Dad. I don't know why and actually I don't want to know. And the way that this man came into my life... well, this man didn't show a good attitude. In harsh words, the man was a coward and he stole my Mom. The man married my Mom without telling and asking for approval from me and my sisters. Even my Mom didn't tell her own children that she's just married. I really can't believe it! I'm so... speechless. I don't even know that I should be mad or not. Why did she ever do that? I really have no idea. Days, months, and years go by, and I thought that I will hate this man forever in my life, but right now, I think I have to learn to accept. Accepting the reality and try to respect the man just as my Mom's husband. I will not respect him as my father, no, I won't, the man doesn't deserve that, for ever. I can't change things that already happen so I think I just try to apologize and move on, that's all.

Dear Mom, it is true that you had disappoint me once, but no matter what, I will always love you. This one mistake can't beat all of your struggle and your love that you always give to me.