Dad

I really don't understand the way how people ended up hating other people when they used to be fall in love with each other. It happens to my parents. I don't even remember when they seemed to be a happy and loving couple. I don't even really know that those things were ever exist. If you know how they perform their attitude to each other at this moment, you'll never know they were once to be a husband and wife.
I have three older sisters (and also one older brother, but he's gone to heaven when he was only two days age) and it seems to me that we are a solid siblings. Our parents got divorced five years ago (officially on May, 26th 2008, ten days after my fourteenth birthday) and I think it is the divorce that makes me and my sisters become more solid. We've been through the hard times -hard, hard, times- when my parents started to indicate signs of their divorce. And the problem doesn't end right there because we still through the hard times now after they had divorced.

I once asked to my Mom (I forget when, but when I'm younger) about why she ever wanted to be with my Dad at the first time. And she said," Your father is a smart and handsome man." And now he's stupid and ugly? No, my Dad is smart, but unfortunately, he used his cleverness in a wrong field. Well, I don't really know if it is wrong, but it is not so good in the eyes of most people. I even don't really understand what job that he takes part of. Something like money trade, foreign exchange. I don't really understand how it works. It seems like you put some of your money in the trade, make a 'click' on your laptop in some spots or some colors  you wanted to, and wait. If it falls on the right spot you clicked before, maybe you'll get some profit or at least you win your money back, but if it doesn't, you'll lose your money. Sounds like gambling, isn't it? Well, it wasn't his job from the very beginning. He used to be a contractor, but since there were some people disappoint and trick him, he lost his trust of others and right now he believes that he can do everything only with his own hands and with God's help. He doesn't believe anyone except himself. So he decided to leave his previous job and start this new one. This new job makes him broke but it seems like he didn't notice that. This new job also makes him farther from his family. He didn't realize that he lost much money to maintain his new job, he lost respect from others, until finally he lost my Mom. Well, actually, I think he lost his own family.

My Dad has a bad temper and strong will since the old times, even before he changed his job. No one can easily change his mind if he wanted something. If someone refuses or critiques him, he will insist. If he says A, than it's A. Maybe that's why my Mom decided to leave (or was it?). At the first time, my Dad didn't want a divorce but they did it anyway. For me at that time, it was no big deal if they got divorce, moreover I put compassion for my Mom for what she had going through all this time. I didn't think any further about that. I was fourteen, by the way. I just hoped that my Mom soon will be happy and peaceful. I was also tired from watching my Mom and my Dad always got into fights, because I don't like conflicts. If they were separated, the fights will be over. I really -really- didn't think any further about that. Whereas it leads to a bigger problem.

Most of fathers (from most of my friends) are close to his children. Well, you know the things like, when you go to school, your father will take you to your school or pick you up when you're done. Or things like, your father takes you to places for recreation and spending time together, or asks you what things you need for school or things you just want to buy. My Dad is not that type of father. He's quite a hard person and it seems like he rarely use his feelings in seeing something. Most of what he did, he did for himself. He's a little bit stingy (well, maybe it's too harsh, I can't find any better word) to his family (my Mom and his own children), but he's very generous to other people except us. I don't know why anyone can have a such character.

Despite all of those things, my Dad taught me a lot of things. He has a wide horizon and he likes to share it with all of his children. He taught me about music, singing... well, he has a lot of skills. We both like to play keyboard and sometimes he asked me to play it together (he sings, I play, or otherwise). I just know a little about my Dad's good character, maybe because I'm the youngest in the family so I didn't know how my father used to be in the old times.

And for now I think it all just some memories.